to slow down

doing the "unallowable" things. Because at least now, i know.

Mellowed out by the mauve sunset, the squirrels scurry around for their last morsels.
Like me.
I pick up the very last crumbs and savour the ecstacy of acorns fallen.
Oh, and how they fell. Like heavy tears from the eyes of an enormously merciful bearer.
How kind. To feed us with the beautiful fruits of that tree which is our only food.
How do i reciprocate?
May I kneel and spill some tears to quench your roots? So then my tears become yours.

Our sorrow and shared joy sustain us.

Since the beginning of events and the recordings of such, mankind has been involved in struggles for many different causes.Some of which include overthrowing tribes,kings,queens or caesers; seizing land and territory; fighting injustice and corruption; struggling onward toward utopia.

But what i think we fail to see is that being banished from any resemblance of utopia, we are probable not to find it!Not because a scripture once said so but because the nature of man is such that there will always be a struggling within. But we try for an equilibrium anyway Which i think is noble.

Through the histories of prophets and warriors; the brave fighters and wise leaders; the greedy tyrants and inspiring passivists and activists there has been a timeline of change - little and grand.

krom soos my oumagrootjie se honderd-en-tien jaar ...... veels te veel,
Soos n "queue" by Home Affairs: is dit al lankal om die draai
So wag ek maar vir daai kans om "greatness" aan te gryp .... maar ek's al krom gewag en amper moeg van daai ....
swoeg en "inner angry child"
"But it's never too late" lui die gesegde fraai
My nege-en-twingig jaar blyk maar "too late"
Wat sal 'n "mid-life crisis ballerina" nou ooit kan maak!


Now what did you say? Just gulp back those words!
I'm "trooning" above this kakgedagte, hoor
Don't take me laag, I officially am
a midlife crisis ballerina van voor!
Alhamdulillah and bismillah, awê

Not waiting but taking the moment, "carêer" !

i was not so much looking for the answer to what or who God is.  What i wanted was Truth.  And, in my mind, finding Truth would answer itself.

Being 12 and idealistic and fostering a dream of a utopian society, I went nowhere without my Bible, called "The Greatest Love". It had a picture of a blood-red rose on it against a royal blue background and almost everyone would let out a: "ooooooh, rooomance booook! Let's seeeee ....".
Much to their surprise (or dissappointment) it was the Scripture.
I've been a carer of my soul for a very long time and it comes naturally .... nothing "forced" about it. It never was or will be something i'm embarrassed about.

Then came high school and i felt waayyy out of my depth for the first time in my life. Not only because i was the shortest person there but because I've never seen so many people in one place that were not remotely interested in soul conditioning. I felt like that one fish swimming the other way.  I felt Odd .... Alone in my cause. Well, I've come to see that each of us seek differently.
Through high school i kept to the shadows not wanting to shine .... incase i got embarrassed or fumbled or stuttered and, in my mind, mess a perfectly good shining moment up.
I'm a perfectionist that way and as a result only a few peeps of my light were shone. I think what i was most known for, much to the delight of friends, must have been those rare moments of verbosity! Often being prompted to Say it again, say it again!
Looking back, high school was like everyone else experienced it: the pubescent through adolescent journey which proved enough to keep me busy!

(to be continued . . .)

I've always known that God/ the Creator/ Love/ Light/ Allah/ Jehova is always Here. Now, at my fingertips as the words come pouring out ....
even in the wind that tickles the fine hairs on my cheek. Through all the stages and phases.

I am one of those people who just "gets something" without necessarily understanding it.
But a lifetime (so far) of too many coincidences coupled with the warm glow of just knowing leaves me convinced of the Creator's omnipresence. And God is in the knowing of each and every one of us! How we forget!
Even if you have never had the priviledge of carrying "The Greatest Love" around in your hand ... it is right there inside of you. Loving yourself is the first step to discovering Truth!  I know that now.

Truth is what opens up the understanding of anyone to the million little miracles in the passings of a day. Yet, that Greatest Love -- loving yourself -- is what opens the heart's eyes to all of this in the first place. And with an aware mind and heart we allow the subtle messages to hit home, teaching us little profoundities each time we blink! Truth is in the small things. Because anything bigger, stems from it.
(to be continued . . .)

Adulthood and the road leading us there is eventful! 
Often meeting yourself somewhere between a rock and a crevice on that rocky mountain, either clawing up or plummeting down (again) to a darn hard fall, wondering where the hell it is you are headed? "What the hell are you doing? What are you thinking? Why why why ...
Why is there no map?"

(to be continued)

And that's the nature of learning and realising, opening up the mind to the boundless actualities -- not merely possibilities -- and how we find Truth sometimes.
But you know, this infinite Truth does not belong to any one school of thought ..... It's not exclusive! It is as diverse as Mankind.

(to be continued)!
And so I will sit and gawk at the watercolour sky and the Van gogh fields for as long as this body is able to find more pieces of an infinite Truth that is so simple and innocent. God inspires me every day (When i remember to sit comfortably in myself)!

i remember the lines: " O Moses, O Moses die hakelaar... die stamelaar ..." ( .... the stutterer ....)
It sits with me forever.
I think it's from a play called Antjie, hy ko hys toe! Or some or other name .... it really escapes my file system in this chaotic head of mine right now. I need to defrag.

It's just so hopeful that a man in his old age with a demure profile and virtuous life, would be called upon to be such a leader of note! Parting the sea?! Im sure Moses (pbuh) did not even *think* of adding anything so grand to his CV! The same can be said of Muhammad (pbuh). Revered for their trustworthiness and commitment to justice and the truth .... A stutterer and an illiterate ..... it's just so bloody hopeful!

Perhaps one day in our somnabule existince we'll see a flaming, well, not tree .... we don't spend as much time with the trees these days. Eventhough a flaming Bush would be most welcome! But no, perhaps a flaming billboard with the words in Large, BOLD san serif font:
LISTEN TODAY.
I can imagine the dialogue:
"I'm listening .... ?"
Another billboard saying: JUST DO IT
"But .... but .... I suck. Not nearly eloquent enough ..."
Another billboard: FOR THE LOVE OF MOSES
"Ha ha ha, great. A sense of humour...."

Na, but seriously, there are no more Prophets or greats of such calibre to come anymore. It has been written, so I think it's highly probable. Being the Scriptures and all. And no, im not being tongue-in-cheek, sarcastic or blasphemous here, if you're inclined to be offended by my seeming irreverence. I don't see anyone parting any sea any time soon .... not with global warming against us and the rising seas ....

What i *DO* bet on though, is a growing number of Enlightened minds and hearts that appreciate the miracles of past and the insights that are timeless.

It's comforting. Im just a heap of soppy hope.

this is a fine place to be finding things.
Like the secrets of the universe such as how prayer, thought and meditation works. And how deep the soul goes, how  vast "space" is, how many more dimensions there are that we do not see in this one because we just fail to open that window in our mind. How fearful we are and how i just do not fit in.

im so tired of trying to suss out why im socially inept. I just do not perceive words as others do, it seems, and it severely handicaps my relating to others. It's like communicating through a thin wall of energy ... and the words come out differently on and from my side. Like ive lamented before, i don't belong here!

my mouth waters at the thought of having a valley-gathering of people just simply being passionate about each moment and not trying to cram their minds full of mind numbing, long-winded, eye-straining stuff that could well be done without. this place here, zaadz is something of the sorts but i do find myself feeling like im on the "event horizon" at times. You know, that place where the light does not get seen by the obsever from that particular point on the grid, so to speak. It's a phenomena linked to black holes. I'm just wondering at which point I am standing .......

when i'm writing / typing

when i stand and smile at the sky and the sunrays kiss my cheek!

when im walking: that's my connection to the earth, circulating the free flow of thoughts and songs and memories and lessons and insights ....

when im quiet.

i would want to play the strings of the universe. Im sure it'll make really good music!